During a recent episode of Jasmine Star’s creativeLIVE ReSTARt workshop, Jasmine mentioned a quote I’ve heard before, but this time it really stuck with me,

“Perfectionism leads to procrastination”.

That phrase has been like a bad remix, stuck on repeat in my brain ever since. I don’t know anyone more guilty of the entire ideology of that phrase than I am. Maybe it’s a combination of my obsessive compulsive tendencies and my extreme desire for everything to be perfect, but I absolutely, without a doubt, am my own worst enemy.

During a recent conversation with my web designer, Mary Veterano (check out her design and photography work, she’s amazeballs!), about my OCD and perfectionism, she said something to me that really hit home. I actually wrote it down, so I wouldn’t forget it. She said, “Done is better than perfect, we’re creative minds and nothing will ever be perfect in our minds.” Nuff said. Simple. DONE is better than perfect.

Another one I’ve heard, along the same lines is “Perfectionism is just procrastination with better marketing and PR.”

I’m guilty of it all. I want everything to be so perfect that I get caught up in all of the tiny little details, instead of just getting ish done! So that’s just what I’m planning to do, get over myself, stop worrying about perfection, and GET SHIT DONE. Yep. There it is. My first curse word on the blog.

Speaking of procrastination, how appropriate and relevant is this maze? I know we’re all guilty of this to some effect…(although the porn part? Not so much. Maybe that’s just me.)

Words to live by.

I know I’ve thought this far too many times.

Ain’t that the truth?

I need one of these stuck to my forehead every day.

Or maybe just this guy, to follow me around everywhere I go.

Our little miss decided to be an early birdie and made her debut at 35 weeks and 4 days. I’ll be posting the entire birth story soon, but rest assured everything went great! Miss Scarlett Ava Cooley was born on November 16th, 2012 at 3:47pm, 5 lbs 12.9 oz and 19.5 inches long.

I decided to take the opportunity to use her as a guinea pig for my very first newborn photo shoot and she was such a good sport about it, I couldn’t have asked for a better model. She was only 10 days old in these photos.

First off, how adorable are baby yawns? Ugh, I die. Also, can we please talk about the incredibly cute peach fuzz she’s covered in? You can really see it in the very last photo in this post. She’s lost almost all of it now, but since she was so early, she never had that last month in the womb where they loose all of the fuzz. I have to admit, I kinda love her fuzziness.

Since the last post, we had our 28 week ultrasound to confirm the gender and she is, indeed, a girl!! In the pics below, her girly parts and legs are in the top photo, on the left hand side right of the frame and the bottom photo is of her face on the right hand side of the frame and what I’m assuming are here knees maybe?? I wish the Dr. would’ve taken a better one of her face, at one point we could clearly make out her lips and nose, it was so cute.

Here’s a photo of my ginormous belly, at 33 week, it’s a little late considering I’ll be 34 weeks tomorrow, but it’ll do.

How Far Along: 33 weeks

Size of baby: 17 inches, 4 1/4 lbs, the size of a pineapple (I’m not sure I believe that she only weighs 4 1/4 lbs at this point, considering the 28 week ultrasound said she weighed 2 lbs, 8 ounces and that was 5 weeks ago, but who knows.)

Maternity Clothes: I feel like I’ve been wearing the same few outfits over and over. Perhaps it’s time to go maternity shopping online again?

Gender:  A girl of course!! Scarlett is her name…still undecided on the middle name. The only one that seems to be sticking is Sawyer. I’ve also considered J’s grandma’s first name, Marilyn (even though she once told me not to use it, of which now she has no recollection whatsoever).

Movement: Now that she’s a lot bigger, she moves a lot less, but don’t get me wrong, she’s still a little wiggle worm when she wants to be. The best part is now she shakes my entire belly when she moves. One night I was sitting on the couch next to J and started laughing,  I poked him and said, “Watch!” and a wave went across my entire belly from one side to the other. He laughed and said, “Whoa!! She’s totally in there doing the wave!! Hell yes!” Leave it to him to compare her movements to a sports fan activity.

Sleep: Some mornings when J gets up for work at 4:30am, I cannot for the life of me get back to sleep after he leaves for work. This drives me absolutely insane. I lay in bed, trying so hard to get back to sleep…and nothing. So then I finally give in and play on my phone or watch some TV. Other mornings? I barely even wake up when he comes to my side of the bed to give me a good bye kiss. Those are the mornings I just love, although I wake up feeling like I just can’t get enough sleep, no matter what. The bigger I get the harder it is to get comfortable in bed, but on the flip side to that, for some reason I barely even move throughout the night. Normally I’m all over the bed, tossing and turning throughout the night, but now I pretty much stay in one position for most of the night, which some nights wreaks havoc on my back and I wake up completely stiff.

What I miss: I honestly don’t miss a whole lot. The only thing I really miss is not having her in my ribs all of the time. I’d be a whole lot more comfortable sitting at my desk all day if she’d just move down a touch. Pushing her down doesn’t help either, she just wiggles her way right back up.

Cravings: The cravings have pretty much stopped. For awhile there I made so many batches of those red velvet cheesecake brownies, that I think I probably got burnt out on them. I know for sure J’s sick of them. I do have to make myself eat breakfast though, even if I’m not hungry. Last week there were 2 days where I didn’t eat breakfast and then by the time I ate lunch, it came right back up again. Vomitting at 33 weeks? Not so fun. Although I’m pretty much an expert puker now.

Symptoms: So that stabbing, searing pain I had in my ribs? Yea, it’s still there. Every day, all day long. Everyone kept saying, “Oh it’s probably round ligament pains.” or “It’s most likely her feet up there in your ribs.” Nope. It’s most definitely her butt.  At the last ultrasound she was head down, butt up under my right ribs (where the pain has been consistently for the last 3 or 4 months), and feet near my left ribs. I had a feeling the pain wasn’t her feet because it wasn’t a jabbing or kicking sensation, it’s just a consistent pain all day long. It’s the worst when I’m sitting and it goes away if I can lay down, which obviously isn’t an option at work.

What I’m looking forward to: I honestly can’t believe we only have 6 weeks left and then she’ll be here (give or take a few days, depending on if she comes early or late). I have moments when I get so antsy and I just want to see her little face, see what/who she’s going to look like, and hold her already. Then I have moments where I turn to J and say, “Can you just tell the Dr. to knock me out, take her out, and then wake me back up when it’s over?” I’m definitely anxious about giving birth…but who wouldn’t be?!

Since it’s been 3 weeks since my last post, here’s an updated belly photo:

How Far Along: 27 weeks

Size of baby: 14 1/2 inches, 2 lbs, the weight of a cauliflower

Total Weight Gain: 15  lbs

Maternity Clothes: I ordered a few more new shirts and dresses for our maternity shoot. The dresses I ordered before didn’t work out, except for the really cute coral one. I’m in love with one of my new shirts though (the one pictured above) this is the only time in my life I can get away with horizontal stripes, so I’m owning it!!

Gender:  We’re still going with a girl, until the Dr. tells us otherwise. Our 28 week repeat gender ultrasound is tomorrow, so…we’ll see.

Movement: She’s not as active and wiggly as she used to be, I’m guessing it’s because she’s getting bigger and has less room to move around in there. She still moves whenever I eat, when there’s music playing, or when the dogs bark though. Her movements have changed a bit too, now that she’s bigger. One of my pregnancy apps on my phone said the new “spasms” are actually her having the hiccups, which always makes me smile when I feel them. Last night when we were laying on the couch, J was able to feel her moving/kicking by simply resting his hand on my belly. Before, I’d have to actually press his hand into my belly pretty hard for him to feel her.

Sleep: So that whole sleeping through the night thing? Not happening anymore. J gets up for work around 4am or so every day and until recently I never really had a problem going right back to sleep. Now, I wake up at different hours of the night some nights and it drives me crazy. There have been some mornings when J leaves for work around 4:30 or 5:00 and I sit there lying in bed, desperately trying to get back to sleep. It’s almost as if I’m better off sleeping in 5-6 hour increments, even on weekends when we end up lounging around and napping here and there.

What I miss: Okay, so I know I’ve said it a thousand times over, but I can’t wait to be able to lay on my belly again. There are times when I’m on the couch or in bed and just can’t quite get comfy and the only thing I feel like will fix it is laying on my belly, but of course I can’t. I even tried it the other day and it’s definitely a no-go. I know you’re not really supposed to, but I lay on back sometimes just to get more comfortable, even if it’s only for a few minutes. Everything I’ve read says it’s not a big deal to lie on your back, so long as it’s not for a long period of time.

Cravings: Really none that I can think of, it’s a strange thing to not love the same candies and sweets that I did before being pregnant. Before I got pregnant if there was a bag of peanut butter M&M’s in our house, it was only a matter of days (who am I kidding, more like hours) before I devoured it, but now I’ve had the same bag on top of the fridge for weeks, probably months and I’m not really all that interested in it. My first trimester was really strange, not wanting sweets at all. I will tell you that commercials are the devil for a pregnant girl. If I see a Subway or Arby’s or Domino’s commercial, I’m instantly like, “Ooooo, Subway sounds good.”

Symptoms: I haven’t thrown up since that last post 3 weeks ago (knock on wood)!! So that’s definitely a plus. The last two days I’ve had that pain in my ribs again and I’m telling you it’s enough to drive a girl insane. All I want to do is lie down, to relieve the pain and pressure. I’m not quite sure if it’s her head, her butt, or round ligament pains, like my friend Andra suggested, but it’s so annoying and uncomfortable. When I try to push down on her to get it to stop, I can feel her wiggling and moving around at the bottom of my belly. The only thing that seems to work is lying down really, standing up helps sometimes, but only temporarily.

What I’m looking forward to: Obviously our repeat gender ultrasound tomorrow, duh!! Also, 11 weeks from tomorrow will be my last day at work!!! My maternity leave will start Monday, December 10th and I’m not going back to work until Monday, March 11th, woohoo!! Can you tell I’m just a little bit excited? Of course that’s all if nothing changes and she doesn’t decide to show up early. Which I honestly wouldn’t mind if she came a little early, better than late, I’d rather not be in the hospital on Christmas. I have to admit I got slightly excited when the Dr. mentioned the idea of a C section (at my 20 week ultrasound the placenta was just a hair low, she said it will more than likely move up as my uterus does/did, but that we’ll keep an eye on it and if it stays low, we may have to consider a C section). It’s not that I’m excited about actually having a C section, but how cool would it be to pick your due date? Hello, 12/12/12?! I think that’d be a pretty awesome birthday.

Since I’ve been feeling so huge lately, I snapped a few more photos of my growing belly, just for you guys.

How Far Along: 24 weeks

Size of baby: 12 1/2 inches, 1.25 lbs, the length of an ear of corn (It grew 4 ounces in a week?! why does that seem like a lot to me?)

Total Weight Gain: I didn’t weigh myself this week, but I’m guessing it’s quite a bit because I suddenly feel HUGE.

Maternity Clothes: I just ordered some more work tops and even a bunch of super fun dresses and tops for our upcoming maternity shoot, including this super cute dress from Sierra Lane. Hopefully some of them fit and will work.

Gender:  Just 4 more weeks until our repeat gender ultrasound, we’ll see if the Dr says she’s more than 85% sure it’s a girl this time.

Movement: She’s still moving like crazy.You can see her from the outside really easily now and I actually took video of it the other night.

Sleep: I’m still sleeping through the night just fine, I just never feel like I get enough sleep, no matter how long I sleep.

What I miss: I had the strangest craving for a strawberry daiquiri the other day and that’s not even something I normally order or drink! I don’t miss much, but man when I’m feeling uncomfortable in bed, I’d give ANYTHING to be able to lay on my belly again.

Cravings: In the past few weeks I’ve made endless batches of these red velvet cheesecake brownies that I found on Pinterest and made for our super bowl party earlier this year. Seriously, red velvet and cheesecake, need I say more??

Symptoms: I’ve been having this insane, intense pain that’s driving me crazy. It’s in my ribs and through to my back. It literally feels like I’m being skewered with a hot poker from my right upper ribs straight through my back and out the other side. I asked the midwife if it could be gallbladder issues (a friend of mine said she had similar pain when she had her gallbladder problems) and the midwife said it could be, but it also could be from my uterus moving up and everything stretching, there’s really no way to tell. I’ve noticed that it’s the worst when I’m sitting at my desk at work (which of course is for 8 hours a day) and it gets better when I’m at home relaxing or lying down. I do get some relief when I stand up, so I’ve been trying to get up and move around more regularly at work, but it’s hard when 99% of what I do is done sitting at my desk.

I also had another incident where I threw up again the other night. It’s been so long since I threw up, I honestly thought I was done with it all. I made this super yummy dinner for J and I, I took two bites and felt full, which is pretty common for me now. At breakfast and lunch I eat just fine, but come dinner time I eat a bite or two and I feel so full I can’t eat any more. A few minutes later I got up and J asked where I was going, I had to make a mad dash to the bathroom and luckily I made it in time.

What I’m looking forward to: I’m ready for our 28 week ultrasound already, hopefully she can give us a 100% answer on the gender.I’m also really looking forward to opening weekend of duck season tomorrow, it should be a blast (pun intended).

I did it, I finally gave in and bought my very first piece of baby clothes. I mean, how can you expect me to resist a caMOOSEflage onsie?! (The Moose is Loose is a local bakery here that bakes all sorts of delicious goodies and has an endless supply of moose paraphernalia.)

How Far Along: 23 weeks

Size of baby: 11 1/2 inches, 1.1 lb, the length of a spaghetti squash.

Total Weight Gain: 9 lbs, I’m still holding on to the hope that I won’t gain a ton. **fingers crossed**

Maternity Clothes: The grey pants fit!! Thank God, haha!! They’re a subtle plaid, but after my long search I don’t even care. I’ll wear them as a solid and hope no one notices.

Gender: 5 more weeks until we have our 2nd gender ultrasound, we’ll see if anything changes at all, but still going with a girl for now. 

Movement: She’s a mover and a shaker. She’s always moved to music, but her newest thing is squirming around when Brody barks at something. A couple of times we’ve been laying on the couch or in bed and J starts rough housing with Brody. His barking and squealing sends her into a somersault rampage, it’s pretty cute. A few times now I’ve actually been able to see her moving, it’s so surreal to see your belly moving, sort of like something out of the movie Alien.

Oh!!! J FINALLY got to feel her move on Sunday. I keep putting his hand on my belly and hoping he’ll feel it. It’s hard because I can feel her move, but that’s only because I can feel it from the inside. On Sunday, I pushed his hand into my belly and I felt her move, but wasn’t sure if he did. When I asked if he felt it he goes, “Yea I felt that, wiggling and squirming around in there. It’s probably because you’re pushing on it!! I’d be moving too if you were pushing on me, I’d be like, ‘Hey! What the hell!’” I was soooo excited he finally got to feel her. I can’t wait until she’s kicking and moving even stronger, then he’ll barely even have to touch me to feel it.

Sleep: Boy did we get to catch up on our sleep over the weekend. We were pretty much bums all weekend, we laid around watching movies and doing a whole lot of nothing, which was pretty nice after the crazy week we had last week (J ended up rolling and totaling his truck last week, he walked away with only scrapes and bruises, he’s pretty damn lucky).

What I miss: There’s honestly not much I miss. I’m loving being pregnant. There are days I get a little more uncomfortable than others, but I just chalk it up to her growing and stretching in there. Some days I feel like I could burst. I told J the other night that I felt so bloated and huge, it felt like if he even so much as poked me, I’d explode everywhere. He just laughed and rolled his eyes. But the next day I felt fine again, thankfully it doesn’t last very long and I go back to feeling normal again.

Cravings: Donuts, donuts, and more donuts. Chocolate-y ones to be exact. I’ve also had this new found obsession with these mushrooms that our friend Marissa’s mom made while she was visiting. Okay, first of all, let it be known that I’ve never really cared for mushrooms. I don’t like them on pizza or in salad, but lately I’ve been liking cooked or sauteed ones more and more. This recipe is so simple, you literally cook them in butter, white wine, minced garlic, garlic powder, pepper, and Parmesan cheese. It makes this yummy garlic-y, butter-y, cheese sauce that’s TO DIE FOR. Yummm….okay now I’m hungry.

Symptoms: Believe it or not, my heartburn has calmed down quite a bit. I still get it here and there, but for the most part it’s a lot less than before. I’ve definitely had the crazy pregnancy dreams everyone talks about. A few weeks ago I had one involving a whole mix of crazy things including one of my favorite wedding photographers Jasmine Star, her adorable husband (and business partner) JD, and a perfectly backlit wedding dress in a window (yes, apparently I dream about the perfect wedding dress shot). The dream then somehow segued into a bunch of hillbillies four-wheeling through our yard and ended with some vague reference to Nicki Minaj’s “Starships”. I don’t remember exactly, but I’d like to think JD would have one hell of a “Starships” karaoke cover, don’t you think??

What I’m looking forward to: Our 24 week appointment on Monday, I’m really hoping the midwife will have time to sneak us into the back for a free ultrasound, but we’ll see. I’m NOT looking forward to drinking the stuff for the glucose test, but I’m sure it’s not too bad, hopefully I don’t have gestational diabetes.

At the request of a dear friend of mine, here’s both a belly photo and a full body photo. I’ve only been taking belly photos so far and she kept asking for a full body one (which I’m not the biggest fan of). Here’s me, last week, at 21 weeks.

How Far Along: 21 weeks

Size of baby: 10 1/2 inches, 12 1/2 ounces, the length of a banana. (Seriously?! It grew 4 inches and 2 ounces in a week!? No wonder I feel like my belly is growing by the minute.)

Total Weight Gain: 7 lbs, not too bad for being more than 1/2 way along right?

Maternity Clothes: I finally ordered some more pairs of gray work pants to try, hopefully they fit.

Gender: Still going with a girl, unless the Dr. tells us otherwise at our next ultrasound.

Movement: She’s a pretty active girl for the most part, even the Dr. made a comment about how active she was during our ultrasound. I haven’t felt her move quite as much the last few days though. It seems like whenever she’s growing (and this is just my theory, obviously I have no idea) she doesn’t move around as much. There are days when it’s almost as if I can feel her growing. This may sound silly, but I swear there are days where everything suddenly feels tight and constricted, as if she’s getting bigger. Then, the next thing I know, a few days later she’s back to moving around, doing somersaults, and being her normal active self.

Sleep: I’m still sleeping pretty well so far, although I still desperately miss being able to sleep on my belly. I wake up some mornings stiff as a board because I’ve only been laying on one side all night, which is not normal for me at all. Before being pregnant, I would toss and turn all through the night, from belly, to side, to back, and all the way over again.

What I miss: There’s really not a ton a miss, actually. I’m really enjoying pregnancy, this could be dangerous. Now I understand what J’s mom meant when she told me, “If I had been in a loving, committed relationship at your age, I would’ve had 10 babies, I loved being pregnant so much!!” J just might be in for it. Although I know he wouldn’t mind, I still love it when people ask us how many kids we want and he immediately pipes up with, “Four!” I’m always expecting him to say less, as we get older, but his answer never changes and it always makes me smile.

Cravings: I’m back to craving sweet stuff like crazy. In the first trimester I didn’t want sweets at all, which is out of the ordinary for me, but this trimester I’m back to my normal self. Lately all I want are donuts, cakes, and candy. I even found myself looking through my recipe board on Pinterest and wanting to make all of the sugary sweet stuff I had pinned in the past. I’ve been eating Fruity Pebbles like crazy too! So has J, we’ve gone through 2 of this GIANT bags of the generic Fruity Pebbles in under 2 weeks. Maybe he’s sympathy eating for two? Who am I kidding, he loves sweets more than I do most of the time, he’s worse than a hormonal woman.

Symptoms: Okay, so when I complain about the heartburn, let me put it into context. This isn’t just the normal heartburn or acid reflux, which I got even before being pregnant, this is like the world’s worst heartburn. I’m talking incapacitating, burning from your gut to your throat, that stops you dead in your tracks and you can’t concentrate heartburn. Thank God for Tums, I should’ve bought stock in them before getting pregnant. It got so bad when we were camping the weekend before last, I thought I was going to throw up, but luckily I didn’t. Speaking of which, I had another bought of throwing up over the weekend. It’s mostly my fault though, it seems whenever I don’t get quite enough sleep, it spells bad news for my digestive tract the next day. I’ll be exhausted and worn out and end up getting sick at some point during the day.

What I’m looking forward to: Seeing the peanut again at 28 weeks!! Hopefully the Dr. will have more concrete answers for us, as far as gender, at that point. Although I know you never truly know for certain until the baby is actually born.

When I was planning my own wedding, I instantly knew I wanted to have a First Look. After getting engaged, I spent most of my down time at work scowering the internet for wedding planning details. Being the self-professed photography nut that I am, I also spend hours searching the web for new photographer’s blogs I haven’t read yet, technical tips and tricks, and just any photography info I can get my hands on.

When I came across the idea of a First Look, I knew I had to have one, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Of course when I told our wedding photographer I wanted one and that I wanted to devote at least 2-3 hours to photos before the wedding ceremony, she was thrilled. She knew how important the photography was to me. In fact, I wasn’t shy to tell anyone who would listen that the single most important thing on our wedding day (besides of course marrying my best friend and starting our journey as husband and wife) was the photography. When we first got engaged, J and I had a very open and honest conversation about what was most important to us about our wedding day. His answer was having his family there and mine was the photography. Plain and simple.

Now, some people may think that having a First Look breaks tradition or that it might take away the magic of the bride walking down the aisle and her groom seeing her for the first time. I’m here to tell you that couldn’t be any further from the truth. J is very traditional, he was adamant that he did NOT want to see my dress before the wedding. At first I thought it was a little old fashioned and silly, but I’m definitely glad we waited for him to see it, it added to the magic of the day.

When I originally mentioned the idea of having a First Look to him, I thought he’d be against it, seeing how traditional he can be. To my surprise, once I explained that a) it would give us that much more time to capture really fun and creative photos b) it would give us more time to spend with our friends and family right after the ceremony, instead of rushing off to take photos, while all of our guests not-so-patientlywaited for us and c) we’d have our own little intimate moment to ourselves before we were consumed with all of the details of the wedding day and attending to our guests.

I can tell you that if you’re a future bride, debating having a First Look for your own wedding and thinking that your husband seeing you before walking down the aisle will make it feel any less magical…it won’t, trust me on this. I was completely calm and relaxed the entire morning, I was surprised actually that I wasn’t nervous at all, but just about 15 minutes before it was time for our First Look, I got the biggest butterflies in my stomach and was completely giddy, like a little kid. The First Look was incredibly special for both of us and without it, we wouldn’t have these amazing photos of our private, intimate moment.

When I tapped Justin on his shoulder and turned him around, all he kept saying was, “Wow…wow….WOW!!!” He couldn’t get anything else out, he was speechless and I even saw him tear up a little. I was all smiles, my face actually hurt from smiling so big. This is, hands down, my favorite image from our First Look. The expression on my face completely conveys how I felt at that moment: giddy and beside myself.

Then it was off to take a few fun photos around Seward (the town where we got married).

After we ran around town, to all sorts of fun locations, it was time to head back to the venue so the ceremony could begin. J went off to join our guests where the ceremony was to take place and I ran back to our room to have my hair and makeup touched up (it was drizzling rain all morning long, so my hair needed some major help after all of that running around). I remember thinking to myself that the ceremony was going to be no big deal, seeing J for the First Look was so fun and exciting and now it was time for the formal ceremony and joining all of our guests. To my surprise, as they were finishing touching up my hair and makeup, I started to get MAJOR butterflies again. I’m talking butterflies doing acrobatics in my stomach and having to take deep breaths to calm myself down.

I honestly didn’t expect to be that nervous/excited about walking down the aisle. When we finally reached the starting part of where I’d begin walking down the aisle, I nearly lost it. I was so overwhelmed with joy, happiness, excitement, and every other amazing feeling you can think of, I didn’t know what to do with myself. J was there with me, since he was getting ready to walk his grandma down the aisle to her seat, and I don’t think he had any idea how twitterpated I was. I remember looking at his mom (who was waiting with me to walk me down the aisle) and she just smiled and said, “Are you ready honey??” I could barely catch my breath enough to say, “I think so…”

Cue the thumping heart beat, short of breath, mind racing walk I had down the aisle. Thank God Justin’s mom was there to hold my arm and steady me. I was so beside myself with happiness and pure bliss that I was oblivious to anything else around me. It literally felt as if Justin and I were the only two people in the universe at that moment and nothing else in the world mattered.

I’m here to tell you that no matter if you see your husband for a First Look before the ceremony or if you choose to wait to see each other until you walk down the aisle, it will be equally as magical. There is nothing and no one that can take that away from either of you.

As a photographer, I absolutely love it when couples choose to have a First Look. The wedding day can get a little hectic at times and a First Look not only gives the bride and groom a private moment just to themselves, but it also gives ample time to capture some pretty amazing images. Some of the truest emotions I’ve witnesses from couples, have come from First Looks.

Just take a look at one of my absolute favorite examples of how truly special a First Look can be; Kyle’s honest reaction to seeing Kari for the first time even had me fighting back the tears.

Kari and Kyle were able to spend these few cherished moments together before the ceremony and as a result, had more than enough time to enjoy the company of their family and friends during the ceremony and reception.

So I’m going to just be honest here, I thought about sugar coating things and making them seem all cheery and a-ok, but that just wouldn’t be me. I pride myself in honesty and expect it from others. The gender ultrasound was somewhat of a disappointment. Not because of the results, but because it just seems so unclear and the Dr. kept saying she “thinks” it’s a girl. At the end of the appointment I asked her point blank, “How accurate is this and can we start telling people it’s a girl or should we hold off?” Her response was that she’s 85% sure, but she wants to do a repeat ultrasound at 28 weeks (2 freakin’ months from now!!) to make sure. She said that sometimes the penis and scrotum (yes I totally just used the anatomically correct verbiage there) can be tucked up underneath and hiding from view, but that she’s pretty sure it’s a girl.

I guess maybe J and I were looking for more of a, “IT’S A _____!! 100% IT’S A ______!!” either way, whether a boy or a girl. We both left there feeling a little confused and J turned to me and said, “Well I wouldn’t start going crazy buying anything just yet. Maybe wait until 28 weeks and see what she says then.” Which I’m fine with because there’s nothing we need to buy at this point anyway. I wasn’t planning to go out and go buck wild buying all sorts of pink or blue things, besides I’m not really into pink, so I doubt I’ll ever dress our daughter in head to toe pink, just not my thing.

Soooo…if it IS indeed a girl, meet Miss Scarlett. Her cute little face, hands, and feet are in the top ultrasound and what the Dr. “thinks” are her “girly parts” in the bottom one.

While I’m being honest, I’m having some mixed feelings about the entire thing and I’m trying to sort it all out. I can’t decide if I’m bummed because I thought it was going to be a boy and I’m wrong (Lord knows we all hate when we’re wrong) or if it’s because I really wanted it to be a boy. Maybe a little bit of both? It’s funny because this entire time I’ve thought it was a boy, but in every dream I’ve had about the baby, it’s been a girl. Maybe my subconscious was trying to tell me something?

Don’t get me wrong, we’re more than happy either way, so long as it’s healthy. I guess I was just expecting the Dr. to say, “Its a boy!!” or to be able to see his “boy parts” on the screen and when she didn’t, I was left a little perplexed. What’s funny is a few years back (when we still lived in CA) we actually thought we were pregnant, but it turned out to be an ovarian cyst. After all of the excitement and ultimately the let down, we ended up having a lot of discussions about having kids. At the time I wanted a girl SOOOO badly. I think because I helped raise my nephew for the first 4-5 years of his life, I felt like I’d already done the “boy thing”. But actually being pregnant now, all of my feelings were completely different.

I’m starting to warm up to the idea of a girl more and more now though. I was even doodling her name, trying to embrace the idea of a girl.

I actually expected J to be a lot more disappointed than he is, since he was so adamant it was going to be a boy. I think I’m struggling with the idea of a girl more than he is. He was so sweet, after our ultrasound when I asked him if he was bummed, he said, “Why would I be bummed? It’s still a beautiful child, our beautiful child.” Reason # 4,892 why I love him. Of course he followed it up with, “Now from ages 12-18, my life will be a living hell and I’ll barely sleep.” He’s such a protective dad already.

How Far Along: 20 weeks

Size of baby: 6 1/2 inches, 10 1/2 ounces, the size of a small cantaloupe.

Total Weight Gain: 4 lbs, not too shabby so far.

Maternity Clothes: Nothing much new so far. I still need to find some gray work pants, I’ve just been rocking my black ones so far and it’s getting a little old.

Gender: 85% it’s a girl, we’ll *hopefully* confirm it in 2 months.

Movement: The peanut is still dancing all around. I can’t wait until J can feel it from the outside. Right now I get so excited telling him that it’s moving and he just looks at me like, “Yea? And?”

Sleep: Good Lord, apparently I just can’t get enough sleep lately. The weekend before last, on Sunday I slept until 8:30am, then 1/2 way through the day I fell asleep on the couch for 4 hours or so, and then when J got home from dipnetting around 6 or 7, I fell asleep for an hour or so with him!! I even fell asleep on the couch Monday night when I was waiting for him to get home from work. I’ve noticed that it’s getting more uncomfortable for me as time goes on. Monday night when we were laying on the couch, I just couldn’t get comfortable and I wanted to lay on my stomach so bad!! I got so frustrated that I couldn’t get comfortable, I’m sure this is only the beginning.

What I miss: Yummy, fruity cocktails. We went to Red Robin when we were in Anchorage and whenever I saw all of the colorful, festive, fruity cocktails walking past I got a little sad. I’m not a big drinker by any means, but they just looked so good. Maybe it’s only because I know I can’t have them.

Cravings: I had the most intense craving for raviolis the weekend before last. I actually thought about calling and having them delivered. When I finally got them for lunch on Monday, it was sort of a let down, they weren’t what I wanted at all. I’ve been bad about that lately, everything I eat or munch on isn’t what I want and then I’m on to the next thing, it’s so frustrating.

Symptoms: Still rocking the constant heartburn. The newest symptom I had last week was round ligament pains. For those of you who have never been pregnant, the round ligaments surround your uterus and as the uterus is growing and shifting (particularly in the second trimester) it can bring on sharp pains or jabbing feelings in your groin area. This is a new development over the last few days. When I roll over on the couch or in bed or even when I brought my knee up to my chest to put my socks on yesterday morning. They’re not unbearable or super painful, they just come out of nowhere, surprise you, and take your breath away. I’ve noticed if I get up off the couch or out of the car too quickly I get them too.

What I’m looking forward to: It’s almost time to start silver fishing again, which I’m definitely looking forward to. I didn’t do much red fishing this year, but I’m ready for silvers to start. I’m also looking forward to the fall and duck hunting season. I’m not sure how many times I’ll be able to go out duck hunting since we go out so early in the morning (we get up at about 2:00 or 3:00am), unless I make a huge effort to be in bed early the night before. I just can’t run on little to no sleep anymore. Before being pregnant, I could go out fishing with J and not get home until 1:00am, then get back up for work at 6:30am. Of course I’d be a little tired at work all day, but nothing like I am now. The two times I tried to do it this year, I felt like death the next day. One of the days I even ended up getting sick at work, no fun at all. I know if I don’t go duck hunting I’ll miss it like crazy though. I’ve already had the itch to go trap shooting since early Spring.